The Nuts Are Taunting Me . . .

Yesterday was my day off, and I was rumbly in the tumbly. So I grabbed a can of mixed nuts. They're the store brand, and in large print, the can proclaims, "Less than 50% peanuts." I don't know why they feel the need to inform consumers of this, since people with peanut allergies wouldn't buy them anyway. We hope . . .

Anyway, as I was noshing on the lightly salted goodness of said mixed nuts, I noticed the mix included Brazil nuts. I happened to be chatting with a friend at the time, and the following conversation ensued:


Me: Couldn't they come up with a better name than Brazil nuts? And they're not exclusively grown in Brazil, anyway.

Friend: Well, Hazelnuts probably don't come from a chick named Hazel.

Me: Probably not. But that makes it more original.

Friend: Or Peanuts...

Me: Yeah, but that at least has the comical homonym of penis*

Friend: Great. I'll never eat a PB&J again...

Me: Well, most penises aren't spreadable. But maybe if you stick with the chunky kind . . .

Want my can of nuts?

I need to get it away from me, but just staring at the can hasn't worked.

Friend: "Want my can of nuts?" That sounds way, way more fun than it actually is.

Me: Yeah, I know. But they're lightly salted. And really tasty.

Friend:(bites tongue)

Me: I think there's only a 1/4 can left, anyway. But I don't wanna' actually pick the can up and take them to the kitchen. If I pick them up, I’ll likely open the can and eat more of them. And I’m supposed to be on a diet.

The nuts are taunting me . . .

Friend: Uh... huh. Well, guess I should hit the sack.

Me: What if there are kittens in the sack? You could hurt them.
And then PETA will be all over your ass, throwing paint at your house and shit.

Friend: My weenie dog will be my protector

Me: Hmm . . . maybe I should piss people off and invite them inside my house so they can throw paint.

Correction: PETA . .. not random people. ‘Cause that would be bad.



*Yes, I do know that "peanuts" and "penis" do not actually rhyme, but they do sound a lot alike when a kid says them.



I also asked my husband the question about Brazil nuts in my daily nag email to him.
His reply: What’s the problem with Brazil…it’s hot and there are a lot of topless women…why shouldn’t they have nuts named after them!

And THAT is why I love my husband.

I have some amusing friends, too. But my husband has to live with me, and still manages to be funny.

=)